Seriously?

Well, this one is bound to be a doozie. I am so emotionally exhausted. For those of you who have ever pursued a dream that is ridiculously out of reach, you may actually read this and not think I'm insane.

Friday I started to feel a little homesick, so I was emotionally "on edge"...meaning I could cry at the drop of a bucket. Jesse took me to dinner, and I was just not my bubbly self. Then he simply said, "I miss my grandma"...and I lost it! Sitting in the middle of the restaurant, and I just burst into tears. It was like the tears were just right there waiting for the opportune moment to burst out. Wow...Jesse was a little taken by surprise, to say the least. You should've seen him. His expression was a mixture of "oh, poor baby" and "what the heck?". I'm sure he wonders sometimes just what he got himself into...but I'm so glad he sticks it out!

He then took me to a movie, and after the movie I got a voice mail that normally would have been just another voice mail...but for some reason, it was different this time. It caused me to question everything I'm doing, have been doing, am planning, etc. Do you ever have a time like that? I literally got home and cried like a big baby! As women, I think it is really easy to just blame it on our "sensitive femininity". While I think this is in part true, I've found that the enemy of my soul really knows when I am most vulnerable to attacks. Now you're thinking...wow....Rebecca, what are you talking about?

Whatever your "religion" is, you cannot deny that sometimes you feel like you are under attack, either emotionally, physically, financially, all of the above...and I can very assuredly tell you that satan will and DOES take every opportunity to steal, kill, & destroy. (see John 10:10)

So here's the lesson I learned. Had I been in my Lord's word lately? Was I really seeking Him with all my heart? The answer, sadly is no. Not recenly. I had slacked off. You better believe I am getting back in the game as I should, seeking, praying, reading. So, I am actually thankfull for this little "emotional breakdown" I had. God used it to call me closer. And now, I feel a song coming on. YAY!!!